Nothing but the truth, so help me blog? (a post about honesty)
I wish I had a dollar every time I’ve heard a Christian say something like…
Ah, this is so honest…
…she’s so authentic.
…he’s so real.
Blah blah blah…
Can I be honest?
Do we really want people to be honest? Authentic? Real?
Is that really what you/I/we want?
I’m struggling with the answer to that. I’m in the middle of writing my next book. Currently, it’s called Good God. And I can’t tell you how excited I am about this book.
But let me also tell you…the content for Good God has literally trickled out of me. Seriously, I’ve missed three or four deadlines. I think the original deadline was last August. (<-Honest.)
It’s not that I don’t have stories to share; I have many–too many in fact–ones that I’m really excited about sharing…
But more so than Churched and Hear No Evil, this book isn’t simply stories. It also presents a lot of my thoughts, opinions, and questions.
And honestly, I think it’s been difficult to write because I’m trying to be honest.
Yes, I’m trying. I’m TRYING to be honest. And frankly, that’s not easy much of the time. Being “honest” hasn’t done me too many favors. It hasn’t done a lot of people favors.
It’s not that I don’t want to be honest. I do. And I think, for the most part, most of my readers want me to be honest. They expect it to some degree…
But you know, in the Christian publishing/blogging culture, there are consequences about being honest. Okay, not all honest has consequences. There’s certainly such a thing as “safe honesty.”
For instance, “past tense” honesty is usually safe honesty. Honesty in “past tense” is almost always accepted. You can write about being an atheist drug-dealing-sperm-donor-ing drag queen with an online TV show as long as your verbs are variations of “was,” “did,” and “had.”
Now, sometimes too much detail can get you in trouble, of course. We don’t want your narrative to be so detailed that it puts us in that place alongside of you. We’re fine with simply knowing the who, what, where, and when and how you HATE, LEFT, and OVERCAME the who, what, where, and when…
The only other way to lose points with “past tense” honesty is if you fail to fully explain your healing process or recovery. We totally want to hear all about HOW you got to your “present tense,” especially if your “present tense” agrees mostly with our present tense.
BUT… for the most part… As long as your “present tense” is of “good report,” you can write almost anything in “past tense” and still get invited to Catalyst.
(I only use Catalyst as an example of the multitude of conferences… it’s in no way a slam.)
Now, certain kinds “present tense” honesty is okay, too. You can write in present tense about being angry or depressed or anxious or fearful or bipolar or frustrated or disillusioned. Chances of your honesty being accepted improve if you’re seeking help–you know, from a professional who runs a church or has a PHD in something.
Can you write in present tense about marriage trouble?
Eh, that depends on where in “present tense” your marriage happens to be and what your specific marital troubles are. Whether or not somebody will continue reading your books or blog all depends on whether you’re a male or female and how your “present tense” relates to them being either male or female.
Can you write about sexually-related “present tense”?
That depends, too. Is it a good, true, and holy “present tense”? Is it advice? Then maybe. Any kind of writing/blogging about sexuality can get you in trouble with some people. But there’s also a host of other readers who crave talking about these topics.
But what if the topic isn’t pure and holy?! Again, it’s complicated. You might be able to write in a book about your “current porn problem.” But that’s only because there’s enough time and space between when you write the book and when a reader will actually read the book. Time and space can help a sex-addicted “present tense.”
BUT… can you blog about last night’s sexual e-scapade? Uh, probably not. Now, some people might praise you for “going first,” but that’s probably because they had their own e-scapade in the last week, and have no intention of “going second.”
But what about belief or faith? Can you blog/write honestly about belief and faith? Belief in God and Jesus and hope? Or unbelief? How about your theology? Your doubt? Your truth? Are there rules to follow? Are there certain things that you must say (or believe) before blogging/writing honestly about faith?
Can you blog/write honestly about those things in present tense?
Yes. You can. I’ve done it. And I love doing it. But doing it has consequences.
And more so than other topics of honesty, it’s very complicated.
For instance, after a speaking engagement at a college in Mississippi once, the director who booked me approached me after the chapel service and said, “Good job, man, I loved it. We’ll have to wait and see what the administration thinks about it…”
I looked at him. “My talk might have offended your administration?”
I was surprised because when I do live events, I keep the topics sort of “everyman” or “vanilla” I never go into an engagement with the goal to offend or make people feel uncomfortable. Normally, I only have twenty-five minutes. So my hope is to make people laugh and perhaps inspire a few of them. So yes, I was surprised.
The director grinned. “Oh, I won’t get into trouble for what you said during that twenty-five minutes. But I could very well get in trouble for what you didn’t say.” He laughed.
Sometimes “honesty” isn’t about what you write. Sometimes it’s about what you don’t write.
And you know… can I be honest?
While I desire to be honest about how I see and understand God or what I believe to be true about Jesus, grace, hope, spirituality, sometimes it’s just not worth it. Sometimes, from my perspective, “honesty” makes life/writing more difficult.
And you want honesty? It doesn’t help pay your bills. I don’t write to become rich. Trust me, I don’t. But paying the bills would be nice.
What writing honestly about faith, belief, etc… you can write yourself onto an island very quickly. Not an empty island. Just an island.
Being honest doesn’t help you get speaking engagements.
It doesn’t help you make friends.
It doesn’t help you keep blog readers.
Oh, there’s a lot of good that happens from being honest. And I’ve experienced it… the thank you notes, the tears of people who relate, the DMs, the “you took my thoughts and put them down on paper” facial expression…
But you get labeled. You lose endorsements. You get refused by Christian bookstore chains. You get tagged. You get called a heretic or “emergent” or “liberal.” (And many times, one person’s label affects the opinions and thoughts of many…)
So do we really want honesty when it comes to belief?
And if I’m honest about my “present tense” and it doesn’t match your “present tense,” is that okay? Really okay?
The answer to that question is probably the biggest reason why it’s been so darn difficult to get Good God out of my head and typed into a Word document: I’m afraid.
And I hate “safe,” but sometimes I understand why it’s popular. “Safe” is a message that the Christian masses will cling to…
I do think deep down we (most of us) want honesty. But I also think we want it on our terms. We have a safe list of topics. We have limitations. We have prejudices. We have fears. We have beliefs. We have reputations. We have assumptions.
And I don’t know how all of this affects you in your personal world… but it has certainly made writing Good God difficult for me.
Thoughts? And yes, you can be honest. 
Matthew, thanks for taking us inside your processing. No doubt this is a sticky wicket.
You are right about what you could lose by being honest with your questions and about detailing where you currently are in your journey. There is, of course, times to let it all hang out and other times we choose to wear fig leaves (I see that Ken and Barbie were missing these).
It may come down to this: What do you want?
Wow, good stuff. I’m writing my first book now and I can certaintly relate to how you feel about writing Good God. I’m also curious what college in Mississippi you spoke at, being I went to a Christian college in Mississippi. Any way I can get ya to DM me on twitter and tell me?
It was called Mississippi College I believe.
Some great people there!
Ah yes. Not where I went, but it is where my pastor went. Lol. I’ve heard good things about it. Its about 2 hours from my house.
I’m at least glad they didn’t treat you like an ass.
Bingo. I can’t tell you how many blog posts are still waiting in Draft mode on my dashboard because I can’t summon the gumption to switch to PUBLISH. They all have big fat “Honesty” tags on them, so it takes a long time for them to work their way into the sunlight.
Oftentimes, though, once they see the light of day, their content seems decidedly less controversial or “outwardly over-honest” than when I first put them down in type. This is not always the case, but when it happens, it makes me feel a bit sheepish about the fear in the first place. And I love sheep. Thank you, sir.
so, ive been reading your stuff and following you on twitter for a while, but dont usually comment more than a quick tweet back, on occasion.
TO BE HONEST, i should be getting orders done for customers at the moment, so i will keep this brief… only to say i agree 100% with you. we all look at the world thru our own glasses… and we all have our view on reality. with this, we have our own views of ‘honesty’ ‘safe subjects’ etc. what may be safe to one, is liberal to another… and so on. ultimately, i have to say… please yourself… because you cant please everyone all of the time, hell… you cant please some of the people occasionally.
be honest with yourself… not with others. if you live your life as an open book (no pun intended)… then so be it. but if we do believe in the same great God (and i think we do) then i dont think he was joking when he said (approximately) believe in me, follow me…. and i got your back. i think you are doing great work with your books and twitter etc. you are saying what so many of us ‘christians’ want and need to say… because we are so tired of the label ‘christian’ from the right wing conservative hateful nut jobs that make us look awful. personally, ive about thrown the title away… im going with ‘christ follower’ or something of the like.
anyways, so much for being brief… bottom line is, be honest and write for you… write for whats important to you, and let the rest fall where it may, because to live your life for the expectations of others, isnt really living.
thanks for what you do,
ginny
MPT, I read Churched and loved it! I’ve been following you for a few years. 9 months ago I had a baby girl and my pregnancy, delivery and health hasn’t been great since. I’m improving every day, but I have very little time to read blogs anymore. However, yours is the only one that I do follow on FB and keep up with regularly and the reason is that I feel you are AUTHENTIC. I feel I can relate to you and your writing. I feel like you’re not putting on a show. While I’m not sure how “honesty” would affect your career and I’m super sleep deprived, so I wouldn’t venture to give you advice on that
!, I did want to say that I continue to read you and buy your books because I like that feeling of honesty! Good luck, looking forward to reading this book. Sounds great! Emily
Honesty can cost you a job or prevent one. I experienced that first hand several times when I was a pastor.
I was recently pushed from leadership because my wife shared her heart with the pastor’s wife expressed that her and I have been re-considering the Contemporary Church’s position on homosexuality.
P.S. There are other blogs I have stopped reading because I feel like there’s to much fluff! I like the honesty!
Good post…I’ve been struggling with this too recently. Being the worship leader at my quickly growing evangelical church in Colorado Springs, and having some not so evangelical thoughts on life and politics, I find myself filtering what I let out in those contexts. And then being a fulltime student at one of the most “liberal” colleges in the country, I find myself filtering what I say there as well.
Anyway, thanks for being honest enough to even post a blog saying that you are struggling with what to let out and what to not. Keep us updated with how the new book is coming along
You are so right about this.So many people say they want you to be honest but then they are so judgemental.I’ve made the mistake of being judgemental in the past & I’m sure I still am at times but that’s what hurts. Especially when no one is perfect.
Very good. Yea, I get in trouble all the time for stuff I write on my blog or say. I don’t get asked to speak at church because I think they are afraid of what I might say. So, yea, it does put you on an island. I struggle with the fact that I love my church family, I love what they are doing for our city, I love the heart to BE Jesus to people and I love the people, my family in this church. BUT I disagree with so much that is taught, I don’t fit theologically or politically at all so that’s hard sometimes because when I blog what I believe, sometimes I get bombarded from people I do life with. What’s cool is, they have grace for me as I do for them, we all love each other even though we disagree, so THAT is why I stay, grace given, grace received.
Friends of mine who are homosexuals never told anyone in our circle of friends, including me because they didn’t feel safe. There were some people in our circle who can be judgmental. After a few years, these friends “came out” to our circle of friends. I spent time with them as they cried because they were put down by some of the people in the group. Ironically, the accusations against them was they were not “authentic” in the friendship because they didn’t come out earlier. And so friendships have been strained and we are not sure if we can recover the closeness.
It made me wonder first about authenticity. As much as we say we want authenticity, we push people away when they are authentic at least over certain issues.
Secondly, does authenticity require a safe place? My friends knew they would be rebuked for their lifestyle. I know in certain circles I will be hit over the head with scriptures because I am a pastor and so I don’t mention being a pastor. If authenticity requires a safe place, who determines when it is safe? For my friends who have walked away from the relationship to a point because our friends have come out, can we really be mad that they were not more honest earlier in the relationship? We obviously didn’t foster a safe place for them to be themselves.
wow..ok honest…
so I JUST finished reading Churched last night. Never read your stuff before. I graduated from “Fyles Sanderson” college as well as worked there for a few years.
I am freshly learning what grace and love, balance and truth is. Its good to know that there is someone out there who “gets” it. I mean you get it you know? So honestly you are one of the few who will talk about the things that no one else will.
I am so messed up. I mean I am SO messed up when it comes to what the fat I believe. What is true. I’ve had to grieve the loss of 15 years of living in absolute fear and under performance. There are hoards of us in chains and if we start seeing the light we are labeled “liberals” and in my case “Eve” and those high up tell others to cut all ties with us or else.
That has left me with the thought that God has placed you here for such a time as this Matthew.
For
Real
I mean I am starving for someone to just place the mess of their lives out there and rip off the facade and show us there is a chance for freedom from fear of what people think. no more fear of running our lives for people and show Christ and His truth. Even if it isn’t wrapped in a perfect package. I’ve been dying to ask you how you found balance, how you worked through all your background garbage. I mean there are scores of us who are dying to hear truth. No one else is, why not you? And if not you maybe in a few years when I wade through this all I will attempt it because it is needed.
Will you PLEASE discuss how you worked through your IFB junk and some of the hurdles you faced? How it affects you today?
I am sitting here respresenting hoards of those who have been under years of spiritual abuse needing to know we are not crazy. There is hope and freedom and grace.
Look at Johnny Cash…they told him he’d never make it appealing to the truth, to the messed up prisoners. Go figure..the mass media was wrong. Another system that squelches truth and makes you into a clone. For real..Matthew you aint no Max Lucado and thats ok, you are MPT and if you “become” anything else you lose your message and your hook. Thats why I love this stinking blog..its real no matter what.
This post really speaks to me since just about one year ago my second book deal went belly up for several reasons, and one of the main reasons why I pulled the plug was my need to be honest about my views on Christianity’s connection to war, homosexuality, evangelism, etc.
There is quite a lot of inspirational blogging out there that has a place, but is not sufficient in and of itself. Christian discipleship should make us uncomfortable at times.
I do appreciate your honesty here, and if I may add one thought, once someone IS honest, we rarely know how exactly to reply. There have been times when I think it’s appropriate to share some sympathy and understanding, but other times I feel a need to challenge that person a little to see things differently–not in a manipulative way… ya know what I mean? It’s tough to know when to back off and when to engage a bit more.
Great blog, Matthew.
I truly believe that we are, if anything at all, our secrets, our doubts and our burdens, which, according to Buechner (please read his potent memoir Telling Secrets, as it may help you open the word faucet)is what ties humanity together and therefore so very desperately needs to be told.
That said, in my opinion, the whole “Christian” music/publishing world is a joke. While there are no doubt some squeaky clean, genuine individuals out there, the majority of our favourite authors and singers, the ones primped and preened by the labels to look as though they have it together, wrestle with the same demons as the rest of us. Am I naive enough to think that Christian musicians abstain from the occassional groupie diddle, or that my favourite Christian author, sitting for hours in front of his computer, doesn’t happen upon the occassional porn site? As if! Whether it is right or wrong, this is the messy world we live in. People are just going about the business of being people. To expect anything less is naive. Such pressure for perfection is unfair to both the artists and to us those who enjoy the art.
I think you need to be honest, period. In the here and now, and stop caring about those who would judge, unfriend you, or stop reading your blog. As a Christian author, your job is to point to Christ and let him do the work, not be Christ for your readership.
I always wonder how much more good would have been accomplished if Henri Nouwen could have really told his story without the editing. It certainly isn’t Jesus with the red pen. We live stories and we need to tell them, as horrible and ugly and messy as they are. Then we need to trust that God. I suspect that he’ll not only make sure the bills are paid, but that those who need to read what you write will find it.
Spot on Shayne.
These were some very powerful words. Thank you for sharing your heart with us and the process you are walking through as you seek to complete this book. I trust that you will find all the courage you need to be as honest as you can in the support of your blogging community. For the handful of naysayers out there I believe you have strong group of people who will stand up and cheer with you in your honestly. Blessings to you MPT
Great post. Quite often I find myself thinking: I know the my church’s position on such and such, but is that really what the Bible says? Or even: I know the my church’s position on such and such, but who cares about that if God doesn’t even exist? Then I think: can I tell anyone about this? How will it affect the way they see me?
I would say present tense can be OK in a blog, but you might not get any other work out of it. Present tense is harder for books just because they have a longer lead time. It’s probably the difference between the content an essayist/columnist would put into a magazine compared to a book. Having said that, a diary or collection of present tense essays over time could work.
Present tense in a book could also work well if you have an intractable problem with something like a theological position and you want to shake up everyone’s ideas, but even that might need to have a past-tense story to go along with it, too.
Finally, I’d say that being public and being honest are slightly different things. It’s like “The Invention of Lying” (which I thought was quite a good film, more human than humanistic). It’s not that the characters in that film couldn’t lie, they also blurted out exactly what was on their minds no matter what damage it might cause to others. Putting it another way, I’d say it’s OK not to tell everyone everything, but you shouldn’t _live_ a lie.
I appreciate this. I joke with Nicole all the time about all the “I used to do drugs, but now I go to college” video testimonies I get to see. I joke because they pain me. Is it always rags to riches, total depravity to total sanctification? Maybe in Osteen’s World, but not this one. Hardly. God forbid somebody have a hard time.
And I’m sick of the word “authentic.” It’s a look. The gunk they sell at Cracker Barrel is “authentic.” Can’t we just be alive?
What he said.
But don’t you think it’s weird, like SUPER weird, that people are shocked to find a follower of Christ whom they can describe as “real”, “transparent”, “authentic”, honest”???
Doesn’t that just say so much about the church as a whole?
The thing about being honest in the past tense is that it gives people hope for a future. It says, look at what a shitbag I WAS, but now I’m better and you can be, too!! There’s goodness in that. So, I’m not opposed to the notion.
But, I think, the thing about being honest in the present, the thing that people connect to, feel encouraged by, the thing they crave, is seeing that I’m a shitbag TODAY, and guess what?, God’s with me, using me, wanting me to be better, but not WAITING for me to be better than this. And that’s cool because if God had to wait for everybody to stop lying about their porn problems, or eating disorders, or their off-the-mark-self-righteousness, there wouldn’t be any missionaries, or youth pastors, or people to write books about their messed up junk for the whole world to judge, and ultimately -hopefully- to help others see some truth about who God is and how we fit into the equation.
Essentially, there would be no church.
There will always be someone there to hate you (trust me, I am, hands down, the most judgmental person I’ve ever met – I’m probably judging you right now). But the thing I don’t understand is, why start caring NOW? You’ve obviously followed the prompting you’ve felt to start honest, present-tense conversations in the past…it seems like it’s working for you…. I mean, it’s not as if you’ve banked your brand on appealing to the Christian masses, right?
I say, just keep doin’ what you do. It’s what you’re good at.
I haven’t read the other comments yet but you are soooo so so so so right. I hate that we can’t be honest without being afraid and suffering the consequences, especially within the body of Christ. But it’s true. Is honestly always best? I don’t know anymore. We have to be honest with ourselves, and with God. But what about if something in the past will really hurt someone in the present if we are honest? What about then?
Very interesting and timely post.
Church should be a place where you can be honest, and yet sometimes it feels quite the opposite. Especially when talking about leadership. Not very many people want to hear about that. When did church leaders become perfect, or not need constructive feedback?
Yes, honesty does come with a price tag.
If you can’t be honest in the “present” tense, first with yourself, nothing else really matters. You are who you are because of how you grew up. You are where you are because of how you grew up. You are what you are (an master blogger, author, & human) because of how you grew up. You are transparent and if people want to see less of a person than who you are, that is their perception (problem). It’s not everyone’s perception, or there wouldn’t be followers, commenters, & critics!
I believe I will always question my honesty. About my authenticity. About being real. I will never have ALL the answers and I have to accept that. I have to use what God gave me. His Words. His Son. My brain. Common sense (which seems to be lacking in the world today!). I think we make life too complicated. It’s not always easy, but it is simple. And honest.
Keep rockin’ the socks off those plastic people. And btw, those plastic folks at the top need a loin cloth or something! Just be Matthew and no one else.
I loved reading this post. One of my close friends is a pastor and regularly self-edits to the point of near dishonesty because he fears the consequences of being “honest.” I understand the strange balance he lives in. He has to tow the denominational line if he wants to remain employed– but I often ask myself: Where should his allegiance lie? Is it more pleasing to God to live a lie, or to walk in truth? I know this is easier said than done, particularly as I gear up for my first semester of seminary this Fall. I have already accepted that I may never be employable as a pastor because I’ve been so transparent on my blog. And if I do find a place to serve, I’ll probably be shut out among my peers.
It’s a hard tight rope, but if our faith is ever going to change, then someone will have to get out there and push the envelope.
Again, very thought-provoking post. As usual, I love reading your blog.
Keep being honest and hang what the “administration” has to say.
Honestly (hah! had to start out with that word), my mom got upset with me for writing about how I feel about alcoholism *in general* when I spent last summer as a nanny in a resort town where people drink every night and don’t have social events without alcohol. I said nothing about anyone in particular and didn’t even write about where in that state I was. I guess what I’m getting at is that no matter how much or how little honesty you use (and I used very little in that particular instance!) people are always going to speak out against you. And since you’re not in it to get rich quick, keep doing what you’re doing and please don’t let anyone try to tone you down.
I relate completely.
For me, it’s a different brand though. If I’m honest with where I’m at, and I speak with conviction, I’m “abusing” people, labeled a fundamentalist, or “quiverfull” or whatever else. It is so frustrating. Granted, I’m learning how to hone my writing so I don’t come off quite so…black and white. But underneath it all is just a sincere desire for truth and grace and love and honesty. Where I’m at, if I talk about what I read in any sort of authoritative way (because I truly believe it), it isn’t just disagreement I’m met it, it’s anger and hatred. You get it to, just on a different spectrum. I’m sure you don’t mind the disagreements – it keeps us on our toes and pressing more into grace, but it’s the venom that sucks.
All this to say, yea, honesty is hard…and vulnerable…and “real.”
It knocks down pride real quick.
MPT – have you ever read “True-Faced” by John Lynch or seen his message ‘Room of Good Intentions’? Good stuff. http://www.truefaced.com/blog/media/
While I’m on a comment roll (heh), here is the exact video I’m talking about: http://www.likeawarmcupofcoffee.com/home/2010/07/the-room-of-good-intentions/
Oh, I second that book! Great suggestion
I’m right where you described: just fine with being brutally honest about the “did” and “was” but still finding it hard to expose everything about the now.
thanks for this.
oh, and I can’t wait to read good god.
I love your blog, Sarah. I’m amazed at how much you’ve shared of yourself and your life. You’ve been encouraging and challenging in being so open and vulnerable, and it ministers to so many women.
thanks tina. i really appreciate that. =) i feel like today i’m trying to talk about the NOW. yikes. it’s scary.
Now I totally identify with what you just wrote. find it so refreshing when others are honest. It’s so different than all the generic, “safe” stuff. I do appreciate the honesty in your books and blog, even though I know it has brought you loads of criticism. Thanks for being open with us.
PS I’m guessing the Barbies are a David Sedaris reference.
“How people viewed you was much more important than how you actually were. The truth didn’t matter. What people believed to be the truth mattered. I learned early on that if everybody believed I was the well-behaved, good-natured boy without a sin in the world, it didn’t matter what the truth was. The truth was secondary to a person’s opinion or perception of truth.” – Churched
That was one of the quotations I most identified with in Churched. It made me think about a sermon I preached in early March 2009, and a Derek Webb quotation. I think there’s a fine line to walk between honesty and discretion, much as I’d rather there not be. I think a lot of culture is built around people not being honest, and honesty definitely has its consequences. In the Episcopal Church (my tradition) we’re being rejected by parts of the Anglican Communion for our honesty about our inclusion of queerfolk. Other places do it, they just aren’t as open about it.
I think that as we know the Light we come into the light and want to dwell there, despite the fear, and trusting that the One who spoke light into being will help us there.
Although I do agree that we need a bit more transparency about our struggles to each other, I do feel a little weary of the “say whatever you want, anytime, anywhere” person who is quick to speak, slow to listen, and quick to espouse their opinions. (James 1). If our religion is considered worthless if we don’t keep a tight reign on our tongues (James 1 again) – maybe we need a little balance somewhere in between. (Said in love)
From one honest person to another, I’m here because I appreciate stark honesty. I never understood why it was shocking or rare. Keep up the good work
I know exactly what you’re talking about, man. There are many things I haven’t written about on my blog because I don’t feel like putting up with the judgmental, hateful attitudes I know would be coming back my direction for it. And I’m talking about the attitudes of the “liberal” Christians who spew as much hate toward people with a more traditional view. (I’m sure that’s not the “judgmental attitude” other people here have referenced in their comments.)
Too many people define “authenticity” as “agrees with my political, social and theological views.” I don’t know a lot of people who really want honesty.
I’m going be totally honest because who reads the 30-something-th comment anyway, right? Okay.
First, this: “I do think deep down we (most of us) want honesty. But I also think we want it on our terms. We have a safe list of topics. We have limitations. We have prejudices. We have fears. We have beliefs. We have reputations. We have assumptions.”
Who says this isn’t honesty? I’m not convinced that any of these things is mutually exclusive with honesty. Any of these things, held in earnest for good or ill, can be “honest.” Not all of these things are bad, like safe lists; not all the bad things are dishonest, like fears. I guess I’m just suggesting a bigger way to look at honesty.
Second, honesty doesn’t have to mean full disclosure. Honest words tempered with discernment are probably going to be more valuable more of the time than a play-by-play of your every figurative sneeze and fart. Just because you don’t lay everything out for everyone doesn’t mean you’re not being honest. It means you know what to be honest about, and where, and with whom.
And finally, whom are you writing for? I have to ask myself this question and give back the answer time and again because it’s so easy to forget, to get caught up in writing for the wrong people. The kind and amount of honesty you use in your writing will depend on whom you write for. And who that is is up to you because you are the writer of your own book, your own blog, your own Story. So you set the tone of your own honesty, and don’t look back.
was seriously having this exact conversation a few hours ago. reading this blog followed that conversation.
i would say you are onto something. keep being honest (past and present tense.
You’re so right about the problem of honesty and christian publishing. I can recall two instances of sincere bible-believers whose books were lambasted and virtually suppressed because they dared to suggest something different to what christian culture accepted as the norm. Sometimes their critics hadn’t even read them.
I think writing always involves a certain amount of overcoming fear, if I may blushingly link to my own work I wrote a guest post for another blog on this very subject:
http://spritzophrenia.wordpress.com/2010/07/05/when-courage-takes-flight/
Jonathan
Wow–very challenging. Yep, that’s where I’m at, challenged with being me and being honest/true in that. Thanks for a great post!
…………thanks.
Matthew, sometimes I could just hug you. Love this post.
Thank you for this post. I will be thinking about what you said…
Honesty… hmmm do I really want it? I do! But like you said, deep down we would rather be safe not honest….
Something I have thought about and struggled with myself.
Great post! Thank you for sharing your heart, it has touched mine.
I’m pretty sick of that word, too, but I do like trying to be an authentic Christian. A real follower of Christ. I fail at it so often that I look with some disbelief at those who even claim that label. I honestly don’t know any more what it “looks” like to be a REAL Christian, but I’m convinced more and more that it doesn’t look the same for all of us.
Oops, doesn’t look like my “reply” got attached to the right comment, sorry. I was replying to Jesse.
This post just caused me to have a serious mancrush on you! I have wrestled with these same issues…day in and day out. I struggle with it as I write my blog. I struggle with it when I preach. I struggle with it as I interact with members of my congregation every day. We are a generation that wants to be honest and wants to stop “playing Christian”…but it’s hard when there is a price to pay for living in such a way. I know people look at me with an awkwardness sometimes because they just aren’t sure what to do with the “real me”. But bravo…keep it up! And now I REALLY can’t wait to read “Good God”!!!
There’s a lot in my present tense that I hold back from my blog. You’re so right, I’m waiting for it to be past tense to write about it. I am scared how it will effect relationships, opinions and even career opportunities. There are times I get so frustrated and wonder why I have to be so guarded in a Christian community. Why can’t I be honest with where I am, that way I can receive support and wisdom from others who might have been there before me. This is a thought-provoking post! Praying for you as you move forward with your work. Can’t wait to read it.
I often ask myself the question, “What good are we doing to non-Christians, young Christians, and struggling Christians when we make things look perfect in our lives by refusing to talk about the true struggles we have?” From my experience they quickly begin to feel judged and see something that they know they could never be.
I blogged for a long time about my PRESENT spiritual struggles. I had a lot of “feel sorry for me” comments and a lot of encouragers and a lot of finger pointers, but one of the hardest comments for me to hear a long the way was, ” I really hope to see you on the other side of this, Shellee” It made me feel like I had to hurry up and get the questions answered so my readers could feel ok about my “honest process”
Have you seen the blog “Group Hug?” It’s a place for anonymous confessions. I don’t think anyone–Christ follower or not–feels safe enough to truly let it all out there without anonymity.
You said a mouthful there, MPT. I understand your fear. Heck, I resemble your fear.
I would say that if you know what God is telling you to write, to write it, but if you’re struggling with your faith — do you believe He’s the one telling you what to write?
Or is it Him guiding you to write things that others are struggling with?
Honestly, I don’t always agree with you. Shocking, I know. I just figure you’re entitled to your opinion as I am mine. If we all agreed, it would be mighty boring — I have no need to argue or debate you over things that aren’t essential. (In my world, the essential is, faith in Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior is the only way to heaven.)
Keep seeking. You’ll get there.
Great thoughts! I’ve been struggling with this one, too. I am a youth minister, and some of our church folks think that “being authentic” = being perfect.
Not only do I wonder if they really want to know what I’m thinking…but, do I really want to know what’s going on with THEM?
Is it good to be authentic if you want to slam someone else?
The other thing that really hacks me off with this mindset is that the same people who want authenticity REFUSE to be honest when they are having problems. They want others to be authentic with them, but don’t want to open up to others.
I find this especially true among those in ministry (yes, I struggle with it, too!)
Good thoughts. Thanks for sharing!
One of my biggest pet peeves is this “authenticity in blogging” movement. Just for the sake of being called authentic and honest. But blogging about the struggles in my marriage or the heartache or the annoying things he does or I do or whatever will not do me any favors. It will just make for a juicier read. And personally, I’m not trying to sell anything. I’m just trying to document my life. It’s a scrapbook. And my “present tense” is nobody’s business but mine and my husband’s. Maybe that makes me dishonest? Whatever. At least my marriage won’t fall apart because I embarrassed my husband on my blog.
Hmm. Honesty has always been one of my biggest problems. Being honest I mean. Been told my entire life I am honest to a fault. Funny thing is, it was easier to be honest & not face the agabazillion negative consequences before I became a Christian. Now I find myself not being a fan of Christians. What you wrote here though? I may like you. I may even check out your books now. I will keep my honest opinions about them to myself tho. ; )